But I Still Miss You.

For those who know, the title is lyrics from the new Hawk Nelson Album and song, I still miss you (go figure!). I know that they might be a little angsty but you know they have been helping my through a really tough time, that and God. For you see, someone very dear to my heart (lets call them bob, however its a girl but thats beside the point) has pancreatic cancer, and its at the head of her pancreas (I dont actually know how to spell that) which is the worst type of cancer in that area that you can get. And its not the most unpainful way to die. An before she had galstones but no galbladder (dont ask about that). She was/ is very depressed and I was on the phone to her the other day and she said that she would never stop loving me and she always loved me and then she started crying and that made me start crying and lots of tears were shed even when I got of the phone to her, I just sat on my bed crying and thankfully I was alone otherwise that would have cause some unusual problems. But lets not go there. I was in the worst mood today, I just couldn't concentrate, and then this girl in my maths class was being annoying and telling me that it doesnt matter that Bob has pancreatic cancer and that I have know idea about this kind of thing, she's lucky I didn't just launch myself across the table.



I want holidays. I want holidays now! I mis relaxing and this way I can deal with my problems in a healthy envrionment where I'm not bogged down by the stress of school. I want to be away from books, sums and assignments, I never want to see a desk or my school emblem for a long time. I just want to crawl into a hole and die, but I can't do that because I have an exchange student coming over, soon. I never realised how quickly it came up. She's coming in like July and its May. Thats so not far away. Its crazy, and I'm meant to be going over in like december. CRAZY!

I want to know how God can kill someone in such a painful way. Like I get that He has to kill her as apart of His divine plan but does it have to be that painful. Pancreatic cancer is like the 3rd most painful way. Like I mean could he kill her quickly and painlessly, like an anurism in the aorta or something like that? This so annoying. I dont want to go to funerals, they freak me out. You know, like having to talk to people that you've never seen or met before. Its just a little bit weird dont you think? Weddings I get, Christnings I get, but funnerals I don't get. Your celebrating someones death (Easter doesnt count). Its weird.

I better go. This is begining to depress me ever further. I hope the musical girls had plenty of fun at the rehersal that went till 9. While I'm writing this I realise that they havent finished yet. LOL, makes me giggle knowing that my friends have been at school for over 14 hours. That is the funniest thing I've heard all day!

Im off now, to check emails and Facebook and such. You get the jist.

Peace Out,
Lulu xx